A Down Day

Last night, we had our yearly lab testing done at Troy's work.  It's absolutely not my favorite thing to do, but, unfortunately, it's required by our insurance company.  On a positive side, comparing my weight from this year to last year at the same time, I'm 39 lbs lighter.   My total weight loss since April 23, 2012 is 47.6 lbs...I actually gained weight since last year's testing and then lost it..thank goodness.  I have a terrible problem seeing any change in myself.  I went through a period when I felt awesome and I could, at that time feel a difference.  Today (and the past couple of weeks), I feel awful.  I'm down and depressed, I feel hopeless, worthless and seem to be a failure.  Troy's employer has tons of windows in their entrance.  I'm appalled to see my reflection at this point.  I wanted to be so much further in my weight loss journey, and I wanted to maintain my motivation...but both are slipping.  Inside, I'm lost and empty and I'm embarrassed for Troy to have to be seen with me...he deserves so much better.   The sad thing is that I know better, I know he loves me regardless of what size I am, but actually believing seems nearly impossible for me. I still have around 100 lbs to lose... and I know I have to stick with this.  I just wish I could accept me for who I am, for the person God made me and stop trying to fit into the mold that I THINK everyone else wants me to fit in.  Tomorrow's a new day...and hopefully a better attitude.

All Wet

This morning I had to do chores for mom and dad.  Dad was scheduled to cook breakfast at church and mom is in Montana.  We haven't gotten rain here in weeks, but of course on my day to do chores it pours. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it rained.  As you can tell, the pasture NEEDS the rain..I just didn't need it quite as bad.

Me and Miss Kitty, their Great Pyrenees tried to take cover under the trees.  Contrary to what the cows think, the trees do very little good in keeping you dry.  We tried 3 different kinds of trees and still got wet under each one.  Finally, we gave up and made a run for the chicken barn, but we were already drenched.  I slid in the mud and smashed my elbow into the door facing, which is better than the alternative of missing the door facing and falling on my face in the mud!

By the time I finished chores and walked back to the office, I was literally dripping.  Kitty curled up under a table in the office and went to sleep.  I locked up and headed home...freezing all the way there.  

Caitlyn...An Accident just Waiting to Happen

We made a late night trip to Branson last night to pick up Caitlyn.  Evidently, she was walking across the parking lot and stepped in a hole.  She twisted her ankle in the process and was afraid it was broken.  We made it down there just before midnight, loaded her up and headed back home.  Troy drove her truck so she would be able to drive back if all was well with her ankle.  This morning, I took her to urgent care and had her checked out.  The doctor put her in a boot because the x-rays showed a possible fracture and set her up with an orthopedic doctor.  

She hates having her picture taken...but I did it anyway.

It's a Good Day!

This is me...today.  It's a good day!  I've lost a total of 36.8 lbs and 17 total inches in just over 100 days! Unfortunately, I have a hard time seeing any difference, but obviously, things are changing.  This morning, I was getting ready to leave for work and kissed Troy goodbye...he wrapped his arms around me and said ummm....guess what I'm doing...his hands were touching in the back!  Honestly, I don't know how long it's been since he's been able to reach around me..I'm going to guess it's been years.  I'm in a good place in my life right now...and only headed for even better places.

Seriously! 250 Miles?

I got an email this morning from my fitbit.  It turns out that since May 12, I have logged 250 miles of walking!  Oh my gosh...that's a lot of walking!  It's only 30 miles short of walking all the way to the Iowa state line!  

We get to see Caitlyn!

We were able to see Caitlyn yesterday!  It's been 2 weeks since she moved out.  She had a couple of comp tickets so she took us to Silver Dollar City also.  I'm so excited for her.  She seems so happy, she genuinely looks like she is enjoying life right now.  I wish she was able to get an apartment, but for now her and Brent are cozy in an extended stay motel.  To me, it seems cramped, but to them it is affordable...and as Brent told me.."they have to start somewhere."  It had been years since we visited Branson mostly because it's so expensive for 5 of us to go.  Caitlyn had been asking us to come so she would have someone to ride the rollercoasters with her...that would be Troy and Kyle...not me!  It's so hard to believe that she is growing up.  Last time we were in SDC, she wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom by herself and now, she has the run of the place daily.  We ate lunch at the Lumbercamp restaurant where she works and spent the rest of the day going from rollercoaster to water ride and back again.  It's nice to see her smile!

They tried hats on throughout the park...

Kyle and I both sat this one out...Wildfire was a bit to wild...

5th row back...

Kyle and I sat this one out too...

Zack was coaching a rifle camp in Marshall, MO this weekend so he wasn't able to go with us.  After SDC, we took Caitlyn and Brent to dinner at a Mexican restaurant and picked them up a few things the needed from Walmart.  I think leaving her was harder than when she left home, but I'm so proud of the confidence,  independence and responsibility radiating from her...but she will always be my baby girl...

Woo Hoo 31 lbs lost!

Wow...this morning My Fitness Pal told me I had been logging for 80 days and had lost 31 lbs so far!  I'm excited!  I still have 122 lbs to go, but at least I can see some progress on the scale.  Unfortunately, I don't see much difference in the mirror.  I'm going to guess that I will always have a hard time seeing me how I really look.  For now, that's ok.