Reality...

Last night, while shopping for Easter supplies, I broke down and bought myself a new bra...I know, big deal...actually it is.  My hubby and I searched and searched for one through the bra filing system at Walmart.  It's no easy task.  Normally, I would buy one from some plus size clothing store.  My favorite store for bra shopping was destroyed in the tornado last year and I'm left to settle for one from the "normal" people racks.  Being "blessed" in that area has been more of a curse for me than anything.  While some smaller chested people try everything possible to make theirs appear larger, I seriously want mine smaller!  Aside from the pain of carrying around the extra weight, they just aren't what they are supposed to be...nice and firm and placed correctly on my body.  Unfortunately, after breast feeding 3 babies and all the ups and downs of weight gains and losses, mine seem to be more comfortable closer to the ground.  Finding a bra that lifts and supports everything is impossible.  I settled on one.  This morning for church, I wore the new bra.  It felt good, fit nearly right.  Looking down, it seems to have everything lifted close to where they are supposed to be.  Upon having Troy check things out before leaving for church, he claims everything looks good other than trying to smooth out a few wrinkles in the fabric.  I trust him.  I felt good, I tried to walk taller, I tried to look like I knew I looked better.  We went through church, and dinner at my parents house.  My sister took pictures of all us together.  Then the reality of the situation was clear.  After seeing the pictures, I didn't look any better.  And seeing the pictures didn't make me feel any better.  In fact, I felt worse.  And, compared to my sisters, I look worse.  So much for trying to feel good about myself.  It seems that the way I see myself and the way others see me are no where near the same.  I actually see myself better than I look in pictures...reality hurts.