Singing...

Our music director has been trying to get ahold of me for several weeks now to get me to sing at church.   I've been avoiding her.  I finally broke down and wrote an email to her explaining my anxiety and OCD and trying to give her a look into why I have such a hard time participating in activities.  I told her that if she hadn't already filled the spot, that I would love to sing.  Strangely enough, eventhough I find it nearly impossible to force myself to function in choir, I find myself extremely comfortable on stage, in front of the whole church...by myself.  Today, I received a text from my mom making sure that I knew that the special speakers tonight would be speaking about their experiences with the tornado. She thought it would help me decide on a song.  Great...even after 9 years, I'm still not over the tornado that we experienced and usually find myself overly emotional.  I struggled with singing a song about getting through the storms of life or going a whole different direction.  Thank goodness a skip on the accompaniment CD made the decision for me.  I settled on "I'll Tell It Wherever I Go."  It has always been one of my favorite songs in both the style and the lyrics.  I've been singing in church for nearly 8 years and have came to realize that it is one of the very few places that I can let everything else go.  No matter what anyone thinks of me, God doesn't care.  He's who I sing for, He's who I feel for, and He's who I cry for when I just can't function any more.  If He lets me touch even one heart in the congregation everything is good.  I'm terrible at taking compliments.  I have a hard time coming up with words to express how I feel, but am unbelievably touched when I hear that the voice that I was blessed with was able to make a difference in someone else's life.